Just two weeks ago, it was as if God was breathing on everything I touched - my work, my faith, my community - but specifically my work. Not necessarily monetarily ($$), but he was giving me a fresh sense of direction, motivation, and empowerment. I was working with God, driving with God, doing everything with God - and it was great.
But now I’m overwhelmed and stressed.
At some point, I inadvertently reverted to the ‘normal’ way of doing business. Just like that first sin, I decided I could do it on my own. I stopped asking God for direction…
Putting it in real terms: I totally blocked God out - for whatever silly reason.
And it was exhausting. The world’s yoke ain’t light. I was so lost in making decisions in the business. I was feeling increasingly exhausted and simultaneously left behind, like I was juggling 10 bowling balls and trying to run a marathon at the same time.
On Monday of this week, I arrived at our church’s prayer meeting tired and distracted. Honestly, it was the last place I wanted to be.
But God usually stops me once I get to this point, as a loving Father gently (but sternly enough to take control of the situation) turns his child from the oncoming traffic.
At the prayer group, we talked about hearing God’s voice for other people. This is commonly called ‘prophecy’ in most of the Christian circles I’m involved in, but if you want to call it ‘listening,’ that’s fine with me too.
We broke up into groups of 5 and took various moments of silence, listening for God’s voice, eager to hear what he had to say. If you’re not familiar with listening to God’s voice, here are some of the ways he speaks to us:
The Scriptures. An Intuitive feeling. A specific sentence, phrase, or word. A hymn. A picture in your head, like you’re daydreaming. A gut feeling. A piece of art. A piece of trash. Science, sunsets, rock n' roll, and amazing grace.
He speaks in a lot of ways. We’re rarely listening.
With all of us sitting on the couch, I tried to clear my mind and become aware of God’s presence - to my frustration, all I could see was spreadsheets.
“Hudson, I think God gave me a picture for you,” a voice from our group said.
My small group leader explained the following: in his mind, he saw me pushing a lawnmower, and it was tiring me out quickly. Not only that, but as I pushed, the mower was slowly breaking apart - getting more dangerous with each step.
His picture was spot on - I was extremely tired, and when I was praying that same morning, I actually did feel God tell me to kill a big project of ours at work (one that means a lot to me I might add)1 - but the skeptic in me couldn’t help but think, “He’s my small group leader… He knows that I’ve been working hard this month. If this picture is actually from you, God, I want to know it’s from you.”
God doesn’t mind genuine doubts because he knows those doubts are eager to be transformed into faith once convincing evidence is presented.
Knowing I needed a bit more of a shove, God immediately proceeded to give another guy in our group this next image:
“Hudson, I see this scene from Harry Potter…”
I started reading the books this month - my ears perk up.
He continues. “So there's this part in the Goblet of Fire where Harry and Cedrick are racing through this maze to get to the goblet trophy. But, you know, the vines come to life and the maze closes in on them so they run even harder but it’s like the vines keep holding them back?”
Our bicycles had just been stolen (right after our car was stolen last month), and it felt like there were a million things needing to be done to prevent our businesses from falling apart. I had been voicing my frustrations to Keller earlier that week. “All of these things keep interrupting me from the important stuff. I feel like the prize is right in front of me, and I’m reaching out, so close to getting it, but dozens of hands keep grabbing me and pulling me back.”
The picture my friend received from God struck a chord that couldn't have been any closer to home.
“Hudson,” he said, “I feel like God is saying you can’t do it without him.”
Remember how we started this article - I had reverted to my old ways of business last week. I hadn’t asked God his opinion in a week (aka, prayed). I was stressed, anxious, and not sleeping because I didn’t know what to do with this brand of ours.
God, through his church, was gracious enough to gently remind me that I can’t do it on my own. Even on a practical level, I was really debating and praying with God at certain points this month about whether to kill this big project at work. It was legit keeping me up at night.
Without the church, I would’ve been stuck in my own head, hoping for God to write in the sky.
The church is where we learn to hear God’s voice and let others hear for us when the fog gets too thick.
Thank you God for the Church.
There’s a business lesson in there too. After this prayer meeting, I released the vice grip I had on the business (probably for the 100th time) - and wouldn’t you know, I have more peace, I’m getting more done, I’m making better decisions, and life is good.
Ask God for help - you can’t do it on your own either.
Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.
In vain, you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
Psalm 127:1-2
Regarding the lawnmower, I had actually been praying about what to do with this specific project that same morning. The initial intuition God gave me when I asked him what to do about it was “kill it.” It’s a very important project to me, something I’ve poured my heart and soul into for a long time, so hearing God say “kill it” this morning was definitely met with some questioning of whether that was his voice or my own. I needed him to confirm it further - and he did just that.
Good stuff Hudson! Very encouraging to me on both the business and church front. I needed that! I find it challenging to integrate God into my work, and it's evident when I'm solely relying on my own efforts.